


How to Know the Trickster Lied to You

by agenthowell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Feels, It's kinda sad, M/M, Nobody Dies, Other, Trickster!Gabriel, also there's a very nice waiter in this, gabe doesn't really get a happy ending here, i wrote this at five in the morning ok don't judge me cri, it's more like a poem/list thing as well, it's sorta an au but idk, poor gabriel just loves sam, poor sam is oblivious, sams pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 12:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5539757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agenthowell/pseuds/agenthowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's never loved you any less. This - all of this mess - is for you. Believe him when he says he's a trickster, and believe yourself when the only thing you want to do is kill him. Please don't hate him for loving you, because it's the only reason this god damn world exists.</p>
<p>[Ten ways to know the Trickster is lying to you, and one way to know he loves you.]</p>
<p>[otherwise known as the one fic where Gabriel loves Sam too much for his own good, and Sam doesn't know what's good.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Know the Trickster Lied to You

> _"how to know the trickster lied to you but to think it breaks his heart more knowing you're happier this way."_
> 
>  

1\. wake up on a wednesday morning. move your leg, feel hairy calves and wrap your feet around the ankles. mumble that you’re fine when he asks if you’re okay. thank him for asking. forget that it feels like there’s someone wrapping thread around you, sewing a barrier around something you think you should know. forget that this feels like the first time you’ve been here despite it being many.

 

2\. when he asks you what you want at the cheap diner down the road, and you both say “black coffee and short stack”, don’t think too hard about it. don’t think too hard about the gold in his eyes but how they seem to almost become silver when he glanced back at you after ordering. instead think too hard about his hand on your knee, with the smirks he keeps giving you. this is love. this feels like love. this won’t feel like love.

 

3\. the next morning his shirt will be on the floor beside your bed. hold it in your hands. it’ll smell like dew, and cinnamon and home. you’ll find him in the kitchen wearing your shirt, resting past his thighs. he’ll wiggle his hips. laugh and stare. he’ll notice. when you reach his red buttoned shirt out to him and he pushes it back into your chest, really look at him. know every line in his forehead, every crease under his eyes, every tremor in his hands that are barely half the size of yours. know the glisten to his eyes is not fake, and neither the soft twitch of his lips. know he loves you.

 

4\. he’ll tell a story to a waiter about your fifth anniversary. remember the tilt to his neck when he laughs with etches in his cheeks, and rather remember his neck tilted back with a stake brushing his skin like your lips. don’t cry; ignore his mellow eyes just as you’ve ignored the burning behind your eyelashes, and excuse yourself. go to the bathroom. splash water on your face. forget what you saw in exchange for trying to remember anything at all that happened on your fifth anniversary. hate yourself for not remembering (don’t tell him you don’t remember).

 

5\. use his thigh as a pillow. lie outside in the nearby park at dusk, watching stars like tv shows. he touches your cheek, and you keep it for days when he’s too busy being in love with bars to notice a boy like you. that’s been happening a bit lately. tell him about the nightmares you’ve been having with a boy in a leather jacket. listen to the way the pitch of his breath changes. he’ll move his hand to rest in your hair. he squeezes lightly. you’ll hear him click his fingers; everything will go a bit blurry after this. please don’t hate him for it.

 

6\. type “dean winchester” into your shared computer. click on the first article that comes up. don’t be surprised when you see a picture of a boy with green eyes in a leather jacket standing next to you. don’t be surprised when the heading says something about “tricksters”. close the tab. delete your search history.

 

7\. when you dial his number, give him a chance to explain in the only way you know how; yell at him over voicemail. by the time he finally answers, his speech is slurred and he’s laughing at you. don’t forget that he loves you, even when you hear a girl’s cooing for him in the background. don’t forget he loves you, even when you tell him you have and that it’s over. don’t forget he loves you when he’s somehow in front of you now, phone in his hand, tugging you down into a hug turned kiss, where he still needs to stand on his toes. the fear will outweigh the surprise; his anger will outweigh his love. he’ll sneer into your collarbone that all of this is for you, you don’t know what’s best for you, you don’t want to see the outside world. you know what’s happening before you hear the click of his fingers. the only thing you’ll clearly remember is the wetness on the nape of your neck, where his hand clung to you (he’ll later tell you how angry he is - don’t tell him you know he cried).

 

8\. go to bed early. lie on your side and feel your common sense, the world you’ve known, melting away, until the wall is in the shape of a stake and you can see his blood across your cheek. do not wish the mirage away; instead, focus hard on a world without him. you’ll see green eyes and a black car. let your exhaustion sink into your bones. rest your body even when it’s your mind that craves the pause. know that your eyes don’t have to be closed for you to open them.

 

9\. listen to the most recent voicemail you’ve gotten from him. it’s from ten minutes prior, and it will tell you that he’s sorry, he loves you, just give him a chance to explain because he doesn’t want you hurt. put your phone away when droplets of water begin to obscure the screen. hold his red shirt you have in your other hand. let the rain hide your anger from the tight noose wrapped in your throat, and let your eyelashes do their job. let that shirt be the only makeshift to an existence of lies and forgotten deceptions. he’ll appear in front of you, again, just like all the other times before; tell him the truth when he asks if you really want to go. watch the sad smile resting on his lips. realise his smile’s always been that soft. realise he knows this would happen. realise he loves you. thank him for loving you. thank him for letting you love him. listen to his loudest, sincerest apology in the only way he knows how - he tugs you down into a hug, his hands rest in your hair. “i love you.” he’ll squeeze lightly.

_click._

 

10\. the next time you see him, don’t. bump into a woman that looks like she’s rich enough to have gold coins for eyes. don’t tell her you prefer silver. be polite, apologise. she won’t turn to you entirely; just enough so she can shove a plaid shirt into your hands. she’ll smile with a soft twitch of her lips. she’ll tell you to find a buttoned shirt if you still have it and laugh about it. this is her apology. keep it with you until you get back to the bunker. don’t tell your brother, don’t tell his angel. if you put it on, it’ll smell like cinnamon. if you rummage through your belongings until you find the red buttoned shirt that you’re not sure why you have, too small and nothing at all like you’d wear, don’t bring it to your chest unless you wish to feel an unknown pain. as if you’ve dug out your ribcage for someone to call home, and they never quite finished moving in. all it will smell of is rain, or dew, you’re not too certain, your brother’s car oil and smoke. it won’t smell like home. it never will.

 

11\. when he says he’s a trickster, believe him. the funniest trick he ever played was trying to get you to love him. he knows you won’t remember. you were never meant to. the joke was never on you; it was always on him.

—“ten ways to know the trickster lied to you [and one way to know he loves you].”

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys!! i only just made an account on ao3 today and i am currently crying bc i have no idea what i'm doing omg
> 
> this is my first kinda fic and i'm a lil nervous bc i don't usually write fanfiction and when i do, it's not in the supernatural verse and when it is in the supernatural verse, i never post it. so uh. there's a first time for everything ayee
> 
> i'm really scared to post this tbh, bc it is kinda bad, but you know what, i do like it!! it's not like the things i usually write and it turned out kinda okay considering. okay, so my ideas for this fic was after i'd watched one of the first episodes with gabriel in it (my god i love that character 10/10) and hence done a ton of research and gotten myself unintentionally into sabriel, i thought that maybe gabriel really did want to teach sammy some lessons of his, and, well. gabe loved sam.
> 
> gabe basically made up this whole different universe where him and sam were in a relationship, and dean/cas/bobby/ect. didn't play any part in their lives. sam can't really remember anything from before the universe, but he starts piecing things together and gabriel panics.
> 
> i think the ending is really important for gabriel's character in this - this is a fairly short fic, especially considering how much i usually write u feel, and of course reader's interpretation is up to u, the reader, but writing this, gabriel letting sam go back in the real world despite clearly having some kind of knowledge of just how bad it's going to be for him and how much he does love sam kinda says something about his character and his relationship with sam. i really pity gabe; who can blame him for wanting a piece of sammy, and he did just want the best for our tall pal.
> 
> there's a lot of lil trinkets in here that i'm not going to spoil for everyone (if anyone actually reads this c r i ), but that last bit mentioning how sam won't remember is bc i think in the tuesday episode gabriel mentions something about how only the person who's having the "trick/joke" played on them will actually remember it?? like they're the only person who will always remember no matter what and so idk i thought it would be kinda bittersweet to sorta subtly put in there that it was never in gabriel's intentions to trick or mess around with sam, but to protect him - hence gabe pulling the joke on himself. idk ignore me i'm rambling again cri
> 
> btw - it's up to you which one out of these eleven is the one way to know the Trickster loves you. i doubt most people are going to guess the right one, anyway, so idk, look out for it, because it probably isn't the one that you think it is. again; there's a lot of lil trinkets in this story that i'll probably never tell anyone.
> 
> anyway if you read this, thank you!!! i appreciate u v much and i'd give u a hug and a cookie if i could, but alas. :') i hope you enjoyed this!! ily!!!


End file.
